Today I’m dressed in a boxy turtleneck and moderately high waistedvintage jeans with an ankle length crop. There’s a yellowing blotch on one leg of unknown origin. While absentmindedly poking at it during this morning’s commute, a disquieting realization came to mind: I’ve already worn these suckers twice this week — and that would be thrice if I didn’t stuff the wrong pair in my gym bag yesterday.
Those were also mildly high waisted and vintage. With an ankle length crop.
Meanwhile, my sweater’s all like, “Oh hey, you basically own me in five different colors, so that’s not predictable at all.” Screw green juice and 30 day barre challenges. It’s my wardrobe that’s in need of some resolutions. You feel me?
If so, join me in these five style goals and, better yet, shopping for each. Because if we have to cut back on our 501 habits, there better be new shoes involved.
1. For goodness sake, give the jeans a breather.
Not the Ross Geller kind of break where you move on too fast and sleep with a FedEx employee — just enough distance to get some space and perspective. And new pants!
2. Add some structure to your life. Or at least your purse collection.
Box Bag, meet Reader. Reader, meet Box Bag. You two are going to be so happy together on job interviews, dinners out and getting dressed up for the hell of it on Wednesday mornings. There’s no need, of course, to donate all your leather backpacks and crossbodies (unless it’s to a Goodwill in my neighborhood — I’ll DM you my address just in case!), but throwing this innately sophisticated shape (filled with Skittles or not) in the mix tells the world you’ve got your shit together.
3. Just pony up and buy the coat.
You know the one. It appears in all its unicorn-sourced cashmere, fairy-stitched glory at the start of the season, taunting you with its sheer perfection and four digit price tag. You almost talk yourself into buying it five times before going for the Diet Coke version at Zara instead. Save your closet from more disposable outerwear and get something that lasts. You’ll be glad next year — and the five after that.
4. Learn to love pumps again.
You soured on them for a split second during the Stan Smith mania of 2015, but it’s time to rekindle the old flame. The latest version not only has a blocky, completely manageable heel, but just makes you feel so gosh darn pretty. Oh yeah, and the extra two inches of leg real estate aren’t so bad either.
5. Massive earrings heal all wounds.
Alright, maybe not flesh and blood ones. If your brain is, like, literally pulsating in pain trying to think of ways to make a black turtleneck interesting, though, this here’s your Advil. Only better because it sparkles.