TMZ freaked everyone out on Friday with news that Kylie Jenner is expecting a baby girl with her boyfriend Travis Scott. Per the Kardashian-Jenner clan tradition of turning baby names into either alliterative poetry or geographical directions, among other delights, I am personally gunning for the first name “Great,” which would make the child’s full name “Great Scott!” (Exclamation point optional.)
I might be getting a little ahead of myself, though, because the youngest Jenner in question has yet to confirm she’s pregnant.
According to TMZ, Kylie first announced the news to friends earlier this month at the Day N Night Fest in Anaheim, CA, which seems appropriate considering that the only news with more viral potential than a Kardashian-Jenner baby is a Kardashian-Jenner baby plus a music festival reference.
The Cut boldly approached Kris Jenner about the rumor during Milan Fashion Week. Her response: “I just woke up this morning. She’s not confirmed anything. I think it’s kind of wild that everyone is just assuming that that’s just happening. Something happens every single day. You never know what is going to break at any moment.”
I guess if Kris wasn’t going to confirm the pregnancy, she figured she’d throw the internet a bone and confirm that she does, in fact, wake up in the morning. I am genuinely grateful to know that for sure now, because I honestly assumed she didn’t have time to sleep. Empire-builders: They’re just like us!
Given that an official announcement has yet to be made, I did what any impatient citizen would do. I researched exactly how Kylie’s older siblings announced their respective pregnancies in an effort to deduce how Kylie might.
Kourtney Kardashian gave E! News the scoop on her first baby with Scott Disick. “We were in the Everglades and I kept feeling nauseous and sick,” she said. “I just kept thinking something wasn’t right. … I went to the doctor and he confirmed the news. I was just so shocked.”
Since E! is the network behind Keeping Up With The Kardashians, it makes sense that Kourtney would let them have the exclusive. It’s also worth noting that she announced this pregnancy in 2009, when the internet was still a petit bebe and INSTAGRAM DID NOT EVEN EXIST. I repeat: Instagram did not even exist.
Her second baby announcement came courtesy of an exclusive Us Weekly cover in 2011, and her third baby announcement was revealed in the 2014 mid-season premiere of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
In 2012, when news broke that Kim Kardashian was expecting her first child, it arrived by way of Kanye West on stage during a concert in Atlantic City, with Kim in the audience. If I had to guess, this announcement was 100% unplanned. I would actually go so far as to surmise that there was a highly orchestrated announcement strategy in place, brainstormed by Kris Jenner and Ryan Seacrest during one of their weekly fireside chats, with intentions to capitalize on the headline-making story for optimal Keeping Up With the Kardashians viewership. But alas, Kanye Kanye’d it.
Her second baby announcement arrived via the stork that was KUWTK’s season 10 supertease clip. I would love to know how Kris and Ryan kept Kanye quiet until then.
Seeing as the speculation around Kylie’s gestational status coincided with the impending season 14 premiere on October 1st, I’d guess there is a similar master strategy in play for officially confirming it. Although, seeing as she is a card-carrying member of Generation Z, I can totally see her going rogue and announcing it herself on Snapchat. She already gave us an abdominal sneak peek on Instagram, so what’s to stop her from making like Beyoncé and taking matters into her own hands via social media?
That’s what Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna did, after all. The couple shared their news within minutes of each other last spring on Instagram, posting an emoji of Blac rubbing her pregnant tummy with lavender fingernails.
I can imagine Kylie doing this if not for the existence of Kris Jenner and her contacts at the NSA.
Now that I’ve done all that back-research, tell me: Are you also following this saga as a means of taking your mind off your own life problems? I’ll be waiting in the comments section with a chalkboard and a 5-Hour energy beverage to parse out your best announcement format theories. Don’t let me down.