Did you know that one of the first aspects many potential partners will notice about you is your shoes? If you answered “erm….n..no” while awkwardly trying to hide your chewed up flip flops under the desk, then this article is for you.
According to a well-known saying, the eyes are the window to the soul, but that saying is wrong – the shoes are truly the window to the soul, and you’d be surprised to learn how much they can actually give away about your personality.
So, tongues firmly in cheeks, let’s look at what your casual footwear is saying about you.
Flip Flops in the city
It’s fair to assume that you aren’t the most practically minded guy in the world. It’s also fair to assume that you probably aren’t from the city. Perhaps you hail from sunnier climes and have come to the sprawling metropolis on a summer city break? More power to you, but don’t expect to be heading home without a few broken toes.
Loafers, minus socks
We get it. You’re a cheeky chappy who has a penchant for rubbing people up the wrong way on nights out – nights out you call ‘the big one’. Your second home is the barber shop, and you may well have been there today already. You favour a clean, polished appearance and your grooming game is so far past metrosexual that you have the salon on speed dial for your bi-weekly back, sack and crack. You haven’t worn socks since Christmas and were over the moon when your Nando’s joined Deliveroo. Cheeky.
Laid-back and easy-going are terms that your friends would use to describe you. You’ve probably got a tendency to lean toward the more ‘hipster’ end of the spectrum and because of this have definitely complained about coffee before in some way, shape or form. Even when do pull yourself off the sofa and take this pair of dusty old comfort boots on an afternoon mooch into town you drag them very step of the way, as if you’re sliding through invisible snow.
Battered Converse that are barely passable as shoes anymore
You attended 20 gigs last week alone, your flat smells of cats but you can’t remember buying one …. you might have done, but if you did it must’ve been when you were pissed. You play in a band, who haven’t decided on a name, plus you haven’t showered in a week and don’t care. Your favourite food is snakebite and black and you own every Nirvana album ever made, on vinyl, albeit under a thick layer of dust.
You probably move in similar circles to our friend in the battered Converse, and you’re certainly no stranger to a Kasabian gig. You like your T-shirts tight and your jeans tighter. You pride yourself on your alternative ways, and the contents of your wardrobe is almost entirely black. Heavy chains? You dig them. You once owned a pair of winklepickers, which subsequently saw you likened to Russell Brand and you’ve regretted the move ever since.
Running shoes with everything
Fitness is everything to you. This weekend you’re running your 20th marathon of the year and your diet of fish, raw eggs and Lucozade is precariously treading the thin line between super-healthy and malnutrition. It’s Monday and you’ve already been to the gym three times without a break for a shower in between. Fair play to you, but we feel sorry for whoever shares a desk with you at work. Furthermore, your suit doesn’t look as good with battered, brightly coloured trainers as you’d think.
Black trainers with black tracksuit bottoms
Your Staffordshire bull terrier is called Tyson and he’s partial to trying to disembowel passers-by when you chain him up outside Ladbrokes in the afternoon. “Don’t mind him mate, he’s just a big softy” you bark at frightened pedestrians as Tyson foams at the mouth, rearing up on two muscular hind legs as he attempts to break away from his leash.
Suede driving moccasins
You are Jeremy Clarkson. “Oh, but I wear them and I’m not Jeremy Clarkson” – No mate, You ARE Jeremy Clarkson. No exceptions.
You’re a man’s man. You have great practical knowledge and you know your way around a toolbox. You’ve probably got a bit of stubble, and wear a plaid shirt. When a HGV needs to be backed out onto a main road, you appear as if from nowhere and usher it out confidently, signing off with a big hairy thumbs up to the driver. And even when you’re off the clock you’re wearing them down the high street like an early era member of Boyzone. It might have Louis Walsh’s approval but not ours. No, Sir.
You’re a chef? A pre-schooler? Or, if you’re not either of these perhaps you’d like to consider a trip to the shoe shop?